I think I am going to be spending alot of time in my car. I live in an extremely small space with my partner in a large space surrounded by people. The backyard is a postage stamp of pavement and succulents.
Today, I sat in my car with the windows rolled down. I watched the rain. Nature is everywhere, even in the boring suburbs.
I became one with the rain by sitting.
This evening, I am by myself in my car at a local park with a beautiful large lake surrounded by trees. On one side, Canadian Geese land to find their evening roosting spot. They honk at each other. The ducks get out of the way. The white egrets stand still like gentle ballerinas posing.
On the other side of the lake, young 20 year olds gather. Two, then three, then six, then pairs, they break the ten to a gathering rule. They tear up papers burning them in the picnic barbecues, they vape, more arrive, they hug and kiss forgoing the elbow greeting, they laugh and drink Dr. Pepper, , throwing hot dogs on the grill, and more arrive, they sit upon the picnic benches side by side six inches between them. They are immortal. Today.
I sit in my car. I cry.
Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.
The redwing blackbird spins their warbled cry. The geese keep honking. The twenty year olds like curious toddlers follow close behind the ducks reaching out to touch them, the ducks easily slipping away.
More people arrive, closer to my age. One by one. Several feet apart. They gaze across the lake. Alone.