Freedom


Sonoma County, California


"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."
Candace Bushnell

I am feeling free again. I am staying safe, and keeping others safe around me, but I will not be contained. This morning, on the back roads heading north, the Geysers, hot springs shooting forth from the Mayacamas Mountains formed bolts of mist under a blue sky holding white puffs of clouds looking down on the grasshopper green vines and spring running creeks as we crossed a bridge looking for a spot to pull over in the shade to eat our lunch in the car. 

We eat in the car now. All of the picnic tables and benches are covered in "stay off" yellow tape at every park we have visited. Parking lots at shopping centers are packed car to car with hordes of shoppers waiting in line to buy "essential items" and the beaches are closed for fear that people will not maintain a social distance.  Golf courses are open and wineries are pushing to open their tasting rooms by next weekend, locals wear masks and serve strangers shift after shift, but there is an order in place that bans gatherings with family and friends you do not live with. This is the world we are navigating. 

I am free. I repeat to myself. I am free. I will not be contained. After two months of obeying and rightly so, I am seeing and feeling the injustice of those who have and those who will never have enough to live well in this system.

I can't find any answers out there. My questions run too deep.

We finished our lunch promptly. We parked next to a bridge overlooking a bubbling creek surrounded by signs stating "no parking, the dust from the cars ruins the grapes". I don't remember the signs being here when I was a teenager. We parked all of the time to hang out. That is what teenagers did back then. As soon as we got our driver's licenses, we parked away from it all. I find myself and my partner doing the same. 

We search to be away from it all.

We continued our drive to the post office to pick up mail (an essential errand) and headed home. My garden, thriving from rain showers, warm sunny days, and daily attention is growing reaching out into space. I have tomatoes, basil, yellow squash, zucchini, cucumbers and eggplant in containers surrounding my small seating area. The birds are quiet this afternoon, so quiet, I can hear the traffic on the highway.

I have no idea where I am headed in life.

I am glad I am still here.

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